Getting (and not getting) answers

We got another negative pregnancy test today, and I found it easy to feel negativity about it.

We went to the temple in hopes of finding some clarity and peace.

Although I didn’t get a loud-and-clear answer that yes, there’s one more! And he’s comin’ soon!

Maybe I felt a soft whisper version of that.

And I realized something.

Sometimes, answers don’t come as clarity or confirmation.

Sometimes, the answer itself doesn’t come at all.

Instead, God sends a sense of calm.

A godly admonition to chill a little. Because He’s got this.

Tonight, I didn’t get the answer I went in for.

But I got perspective.

And permission to stop worrying about the future. To just enjoy all I have right now.

Everything will fall in place how it will.

I feel like I need to stop expending energy on the things I can’t control and instead hand those over to God while I focus on other important things I do have influence over.

Tonight, I also got strength—that intangible, but very real sense of power that stays with you when you walk out of the temple doors. Strength to keep going a little longer. At least until the next time I need Him to pat me on the back and say, “I’ve gotcha,” as I say to my little baby when she falls down and cries. She repeats “I’ve gotcha” back to me in her sweet little voice, and everything is OK again.

To read more about our journey to baby number four or no more, click here and here.